Bright Lights, Dead City

Numb

The young woman sat in front of her computer, word processor open, but the document opened was completely empty. She sat mindlessly watching the cursor blink on the screen. For how long, she wasn’t sure. One hand rested on a considerable “baby bump”. Her expression was as blank as the document before her.

She reached up with one hand and typed on word on the screen, slowly, putting emphasis on each single letter.

Numb.

Her hand came free of her stomach and she brought it up to put her hands in the “asdf jkl;” home key positions. Being a detective for the LVPD gave her plenty of typing experience.

That’s all I feel is numb, at least that is the only word I have to describe it. I am so far beyond pain and sadness, that there is nothing left. Tonight, I lost my world.

I prayed so hard. I know, as a minister’s wife, I should have faith. I’ve always considered myself a person of faith. I have never been much to pray.

I’ve poured my heart and soul out to God, and still I am unanswered. Mysterious ways, my ass.

Who do I blame for this?

Myself.

I am a stupid, silly girl.

When did this all happen? How long has it been? I don’t even fucking know.

I remember the first part of the day perfectly. Aaron went out to get some stuff for the house, stuff we need. Really he went out to get away from my blazing hormones, I think. From laughter to tears, in .006 seconds.

As a sat waiting for him, I felt the first stirrings of life inside of me. I mean, I knew I was pregnant. Saying it, and feeling the first flutters of life inside you are two different things. It was the single most amazing thing that has ever happened to me.

I heard something outside the door, and I thought it was Aaron so I rushed to tell him. I flung the door open, but Aaron was nowhere to be seen.

I’m a fucking police detective. I knew the two guys standing outside were bad news. With the things I’ve seen, and with my husband’s job, his real job. I knew what the fuck was in front of me.

I choked. I did the one thing Aaron told me to make sure I didn’t do. I crossed the threshold.

The men grabbed me and pulled me out. Something was shoved over my face and mouth, and I couldn’t breathe. The one holding me was so strong, and I was so afraid to fight.

God damn it, I froze. I should have done something. All that fucking training, and I choked.

When I awoke, I was in the face of pure evil. I was so scared of the being that spoke to me. The weight of power and evil coming from him was paralyzing. I tried to scream but I had no voice.

The rest of the day went on as a blur. As night fell, the only thing I remember from the drugged out haze that I was in…. was it drugs? My head was so fuzzy. The only thing that registered was the evil telling me that my husband was coming for me. He was giving himself, so my child and I could live.

I’m a horrible person.

I didn’t want him to come. Even though there is this life inside me, depending on me, even though I have never met him or her, they are depending on me.

Aaron should have never done what he did.

Our child is worth it, perhaps, but I am not. If only it could have been me to trade my life, and Aaron and the child live.

I’m nobody, Aaron is somebody important.

Even through my drugged haze, I tried to go back, tried to stop what was happening, but the fucking White Court Vampires, were too strong. I was too out of it.

They pulled me away from the scene, but I felt the power even as I was speeding away in some piece of shit, eurotrash car. A power so horrible, I think it drained all the happiness out of Vegas that night.

The woman’s hand shot down to her stomach, as she felt a slight pressure inside of her stomach. The baby was making his or her presence known. She tore her eyes away from the screen to look down at her stomach. Tears that she was too broken to let fall finally broke free from her soul. As she typed some final words.

To my child, I am sorry that you won’t be able to meet your father, the most wonderful man that I know.

I am sorry that I am not going to be able to be the mother that you are going to need me to be.

There is just too much emptiness in my heart.

-Sabrina Katz

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joenobody69 JeffReil

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